On Why Telling Me I’m Beautiful Isn’t Enough

Like everyone else I like receiving compliments, and being a Leo I tend to enjoy them to a disproportionate degree (ha!), but one compliment that no longer moves me (coming from a man) is a compliment on my looks. 

Dont get me wrong, I know looks matter because people don’t walk around falling for personality at first sight but really, how is your reason to want to date me the fact that you think I’m beautiful and nothing else? Don’t be a grown-ass man texting me you like me and want to see me again because I’m beautiful. That’s lazy, and lazy men are the worst. Tell me you enjoyed meeting me because I’m funny, crazy, whatever. Tell me you want to continue the chat we were having on Bill Gates’ suggested population control measures -help me tighten (or loosen) my tinfoil hat. Inbox me to say you like that piece I posted, but don’t tell me I’m pretty and that I’d therefore be a great date. 
Am I saying I don’t want compliments? Don’t be dumb. 
I’m saying I don’t want a man who sees nothing in me BEYOND looks. 

He doesn’t value my sense of humour or my intuition or my wisdom (gathered over many years and from many books) or my intelligence or my quirky nature, and he doesn’t enjoy my company. He’s not interested in the things I write and why, and couldn’t care less about my opinion on anything. That’s ok. I’m not for everybody, and everybody is not for me. 

While I’ve been told I’m pretty enough to be a trophy wife (as a compliment!), my own perception of myself is that I’m also smart enough to be more than just a trophy. A man who doesn’t recognise that is not the man for me. When a man tells me he wants [to be with] me because I’m beautiful I feel hyper-sexualised (no, that’s not a good thing), commoditized and under-valued; it’s a turn-off, no matter how much I liked him to begin with. 
The way I look may be the reason you approach me, but it shouldn’t be why you call me the next day. Dassall.


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