I behave badly sometimes because I’m human and because Petty is my middle name. I’m also overly sensitive and have a tendency to overreact to perceived slights, imagined or otherwise. Also, I have no filter and say the wrong thing all too often. I know what I am.
 That said, as I get older I find myself more concerned with doing the loving thing and authenticity than I am with being agreeable and liked. I have found, in these the last years of my thirties, that I don’t need to keep in touch with everyone no matter how much I once loved them, because people outgrow me and I outgrow others, and that’s ok. I know where I am.

I have found, in these ‘woke’ years of my life that my path is mine to walk and my spirituality mine to develop, harness, unleash and enjoy. I don’t need any one to cosign my beliefs and while teaching is at the core of who I am, I too am still a student and can’t teach everyone everything. Not all moments are teaching moments and being grown is knowing the difference. I know how I am.

I have found that I am most free when I enjoy each moment for what it is, neither yearning for an imagined future nor  longing for a dimly lit past. I have found the most power in learning myself and loving what I find, completely and without reservation. I know that I am.
I have found, in these the most single years of my life, that I can be happy and fulfilled without a romantic partner, and that living as a sexual being is not just about the sex I’m not having, but about letting my creative self free, and embracing and revelling in my God-given femininity with and without the male gaze. I stare into the deep dark abyss and conquer it every day; I know whose I am.


One thought on “On Self-awareness

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