Flickering Lights

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Every now and then your grip slips and you slide into the abyss. You don’t even fight it anymore, it’s going to happen, so let it happen. You do the bare minumum of everything, just enough to keep your head above water. When the conversation turns to shaving -as it does- you sit there wondering when people find the time and where they get the energy. You shower only because you have to, because you know that lack of selfcare is one of the first signs. And then one day, something gives. A crack mends, maybe it’s a song that was so beautiful it made you cry even though you didnt know why, and as you wiped away the tears and the snot you thought ‘I’m ok.’ And you didnt know why or how, but you felt that something had shifted deep inside, like your planet had reoriented itself, and you were back on an even keel.
So now, sliding into the abyss and knowing how dark it is in there, you’re not as scared as you once were because now you know like you know your most intimate thoughts, that you will come out, and you will come out stronger. You know that you are great and that you are awesome, and that you are also flawed and broken, and it is all ok. You know that it is all ok.
– “What comes, will go. What is found, will be lost again. But what you are is beyond coming and going and beyond description.” -Rumi
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