ranting and raving

sometimes the truth sneaks up on you –

other times it wallops you across the face and you’re left reeling in a flurry of – well, truth.
lately the saying about truth setting you free has been featuring large in my life. if it’s not people letting me down and showing me their true colours, it’s people showing me their true colours and letting me down. people are so disappointing. it really and truly sucks.

the thing is, i KNOW nobody is perfect – this isn’t about great expectations or anything like that. this is about normal relationships and the normal expectations thereof. i believe i’m easy to please and very undemanding. once upon a time i used to be high-maintenance, but not anymore. as low-maintenance as i am however, there are still things that i expect to be part of any relationship i’m in, be it romantic, family or whatever the case may be.

it feels like i’ve been talking about truth vs lies forever. it’s just that it seems like every time i turn around someone else has told me a big fat lie and i have to deal with the attendant fall-out. c’mon now people, get your acts together please. it really can’t be that difficult.

there is nothing worse that relying on someone, only to find they never intended to keep up their end of the bargain. as fate would have it, you usually find this out when it’s too late to make alternative plans. if you had no intention of doing what you said you would do, then why on earth didn’t you just say so? and if, to give you the benefit of the doubt, ‘something came up’ , why oh why didn’t you say so?

and then of course there are people who say one thing and act another. you know what i’m talking about. everybody has been in a relationship where you think things are going one way only to find they’re going in the exact opposite direction. my friend has recently had this happen to her, and i’m extremely angry on her behalf. why can’t people just say what they mean and follow through with the corresponding action? some guy that she’s been seeing just upped and got married. to someone else. that he met three months ago. they’ve (my friend and the guy) been talking about where to go for the christmas holidays. and now he’s been married for three weeks and she didn’t know. i mean. why would anyone do that?
if he knew she wasn’t the one for him why did he string her along? he was planning a holiday with my friend and all the time he knew it was never going to happen. i mean, for crying out loud!
why not just dump her? i know it sucks to be dumper OR dumpee…but come on now!

if you’re in a relationship and it’s not working for you, get out. that’s ultimately kinder than any other alternative. say what you mean and act what you mean.

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i love the way you lie. NOT.

liar liar

I am a great believer in honesty. I am also a great believer in self-preservation. If my life depended on something not being known, best believe I would lie with a straight face. What – you never lie? Really? Never ever?

Some lies are more serious than others, we all know that. While I try always to speak the truth as I see it, sometimes there are other considerations that are more important than white-hot truth. The other person’s feelings for example – I’d rather tell a white-lie than cause someone unnecessary pain. Of course, the definition of white-lie could lead to another discussion, but that’s out of our scope today.

Not only have I, at times, been sparing with the truth, but I have also received the same ‘consideration’ from others. That’s life. However, some people are so bad at it, that you feel positively disrespected. I mean, if you’re going to deliberately tell a lie, at least do so convincingly. C’mon son, make the effort. Like I do.

I don’t know about you, but  I’d much rather deal with the truth, no matter how unpalatable, than be faced with a badly-told lie. In the case of the latter, not only do I have to work to get the real story, I also have to make you feel properly chastised so that you think twice about lying to me ever again, all the while dealing with the fact that I’m so embarrassed for you. That’s just unfair. If you can’t tell a decent lie, stick to the truth. One more time – don’t lie if you can’t get away with it. It’s that simple. Of course, an easier, more acceptable route would be not to tell lies at all…but we’re being realistic here.

Sometimes it may seem as though lying is the safest route to take. You want to avoid hurting or disappointing someone. That’s noble, kinda. Except when you get found out. Then, no amount of explanation will stop me looking at you like something that just crawled out of a muddy hole and should return there on the double. When you get caught in a lie, it usually means you get caught in several lies since you needed back-up for the original lie – well, what can I say? You’re in trouble. Start talking fast, being suitably subdued and eloquent with your expressions of contrition. If at this point the truth is still not an option for whatever reason, then think up a new, more convincing lie. I wouldn’t recommend this course of action, but hey, it’s been known to work for some.

All of that to say this: honesty really is the best policy most of the time. There are exceptions to the rule (remember, we’re keepin’ it real here) – just remember that being caught in a lie is far worse than telling an uncomfortable truth. Once you’re caught in a lie anything and everything you say is viewed with suspicion and double-checked. That’s unpleasant for everyone concerned. So just learn how to tell believable lies tell the truth. It really is that simple.